1. What in the actual fucking fuck???

I am writing this because I am MAD. Not stark raving straight jacket kind of mad, the burning fire, rage filled monster ready to rip heads off kinda mad. And you know what? That’s okay. I am allowed to be mad, allowed to want to breathe fire from my nostrils and TORCH THINGS TO THE GROUND.

Why am I mad you ask? I mean I am a woman and men exist, so do you really need to ask that question?

Let me explain.

There are a lot of unhealed men in this world. Like I would love some statistics on this, I am sure they would be illuminating. But you know what those unhealed fuckers do? They bring their absolute piles of stinking, messy, broken, SHIT to our feet and expect us to deal with it. The best part is that they HIDE this festering cess pit until we are fully invested and knee deep in the sewage, helplessly flailing round in the riptides until we are just so exhausted of fighting it we give up. We lose ourselves, and poof! off we pop down the drain hole never to be seen again.

I for one have had afuckingnough. I am pissed off. At myself as well as them, (I’m not getting off that easily)

I have had too many experiences with these fucking men , who wander round thinking the world owes them a fucking debt, or more specifically that WOMEN do. Who decided this??

Who gave them the fucking audacity to act this way?

I guess we are partly responsible. I have enabled many men over the years because I had zero boundaries, an anxious attachment style and abandonment wounds, mainly all stemming from childhood, The difference here is that I became self aware, sought out therapy and started to work on those things that held me back for so long. How many men have you come across that can actually say they have done the work? I am not debating they are out there, but I am yet to find one.

Maybe now I am on the road to self healing nirvana they may start falling into my path? Let me know if this has happened to you, I really would like your insight! And guys, you too!!

Any way I have digressed from the thing that made me start this rant in the first place – so to cut a long story short (the extended version will be available in my book)

This guy, lets call him Chad, (because well, Chad,) has plagued my existence for years, and yes I allowed it, I kept letting him back in time and time again, most likely due to the issues I listed earlier, along with zero self love and severe people pleasing tendencies.

The penny finally fucking dropped a few days ago. I had confirmation from someone that he had not changed, was still the same self-serving piece of shit he’d always been and was still lying to all those around him (including himself.) Repeating the same patterns, pedalling out the same fucking lines over and over like some kind of mindless robot.

Well, the spell has finally broken, or should I say curse? I actually do not believe he has the capability to change and I am so grateful that the rose tinted glasses are now firmly off, smashed under my heel and ground into dust, never to be repaired or worn again.

All he has done is hurt those around him who cared and actually tried to help him –but as the saying goes you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. I used to feel sorry for him(I am an emapth by nature) but now I feel nothing but disdain, disappointment and pity and glad that hes once and for all out of my life.

I have healed so much this year and addressed many of my demons, I am not about to let some egotistical, sex addicted, self pitying arsehole drag me backwards.

He may read this and know its about him, but you know what? I do not care. I hope he does read it and it forces him to sit up and take responsibility for his actions. This guy has a family and I honestly do not envy them, he’s no doubt still living a double life. He needs therapy and a whole fucking lot of it.

Hell, you may read this and know some guy just like him, I pray that you have more strength than I did and throw him back into his house full of burning red flags. When they show you who they are, believe them.