3. The sin in single

Single.

Look up the definition in the oxford dictionary and this is what you will find -

1.only one; not one of several. "a single red rose"

2. unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.

"a single mother"

3. an individual person or thing rather than part of a pair or a group.

I don't know about you but that second one really does not sit well...

I for one am not defined by my marital status and who says a single mother is not also engaged in a stable sexual relationship?? Can she not have both things? What about single fathers? Why is it always focused on women? (I could answer that here but saving that for the next blog )

The reality is that even in todays society single is seen as something to be ashamed of, like we are missing an arm or part of ourselves because we don't have a partner, we are the village leper or 'crazy cat lady' or the batty witch that lives in the creepy house (me)

I still believe there is more stigma attached to a single woman than a single man. For us, its 'oh there must be something wrong with her', 'shes obviously psycho' or 'awww poor girl she must be so unlucky in love'.

Single men - its the opposite. 'Oh hes a lad' ' hes playing the field' (or hes a modern day fucking Lothario.) How about hes just not found the right one yet? Or hes absolutely just bloody fine on his own for a while? I mean he also might be a complete dick head loaded with emotional baggage and refusing to address the steaming bag of crap hes dragging round (but that goes for women too)

The bottom line is there is nothing wrong with us being single. Society needs to get that into its thick skull.

I have been single for that long that no one even asks me about it anymore, which I am eternally grateful for as I don't have to listen to this drivel.....

'Why are you still single?' (because people like you exist?)

'Oooh that clock must be ticking, times running out!' (please bend over so I can ram said clock right up your arsehole)

'Don't you want children?' (Actually Deirdre I would rather stick red hot pins in my eyes than push a child out of my nether regions but that's actually none of your fucking business is it?)

'Oh you have been left on the shelf have you dear?' (belts unexpecting Karen with aforementioned shelf)

'You must just be too picky' (Oh shiiiiit thats it is it? Well thanks for that illuminating realisation)

'All the good ones will be gone now' (have you ever heard such bullshit in your life, honestly)

'It will happen when you aren't looking for it' (okay I shall sit at home then and wait dressed as a Jane Austen character staring longingly out of the window for my Mr Darcy to arrive)

'You need to get out more, you might meet him in the supermarket!' (fantasies of our eyes meeting as we both reach for the same microwave meal for one)

You get the gist. I mean I think its just fucking rude! I may start asking people if they are happy with their partner (or actually mostly just want to strangle them and bury them in a shallow grave), if they had children because they actually wanted to or because they felt obligated to society to spawn such horrors into the world (Note- not all children are vile, I love my nieces and nephew dearly ).

Imagine some smug single arsehole asking you those questions.

DOESN'T FEEL NICE DOES IT?

The number of people aged 45 to 64 living alone has increased by 53% in the past 20 years to 2.43 million, let that sink in.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) released data in 2020 that shows 51% of people in England and Wales are single, that's just over half of the population. Its the new normal, yet still so much of what you see around you is geared towards couples. Holidays , restaurants, Valentines day (don't even get me started on that) the media is obsessed with who is dating who, adverts, hotels, films, books, the list is endless.

Disney has a lot to answer for with its prince rescues princess and happily ever afters - luckily things are improving in that area (all be it slowly) but at least they are progressing and not making every film about a damsel in distress that needs pissing rescuing. Hollywood isn't much better with films like Bridget Jones ( sorry Bridge) revolving around bagging a boyfriend and not becoming a spinster that gets eaten by German Shepherds (I have even joked about this being me in the past - cringe!) or having a massive kiss and make up in the rain with the love of your life (has this ever actually happened to anyone?)

How could normal relationships ever live up to Hollywood? Its just setting yourself up for disappointment, because that's just not real life! We were led to believe that relationships should be easy and simple and run smoothly all the time, when in fact they take commitment, communication, honesty, integrity, mutual respect and hard work!!

Society conditioned us from a young age to believe that getting married and having babies was the end goal and that nothing much else mattered. Well, what horseshit. I fell into that trap, I believed I had to be in a relationship to be seen, to be normal, to be part of something, to be rescued, I thought I needed the wedding and the church and all the bollocks that goes with it.

Well spoiler alert! I don't, and I never did.

I love my single life now, but its taken me a long time and years of reconditioning myself, ridding my brain of the poison we have had poured into our ears for hundreds of years. Times have changed and people are staying single for a hell of a lot longer, we are getting to know who we are and want we want (or more importantly what we don't want) rather than propelling head first into a puffy white dress and pegging it down the aisle with a man we have known for all of 2 seconds because we are scared of being left on the proverbial shelf.

I wouldn't say I was actively looking for a relationship currently but I am certainly open to it, but its got to be right! My toleration for bullshit and game playing is extremely low and at the first sign of my boundaries being crossed I am outta there. ( cue the voices yelling ' you are being too picky' 🙄) I refuse to lower my standards, I would rather be alone than enter into a car crash of a relationship. Being single is something I am no longer afraid of and neither should you!