10. Maddie.

This is a sad one laced with happiness so if you are feeling particularly maudlin today maybe give this a skip until you are feeling a bit more upbeat.

I lost one of my best friends a few days ago and it's probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make (to date.)

I'm a vet nurse and have worked within this industry for a long long time but nothing quite prepares you for losing one of your own.

I wanted to write a bit of a tribute to her and give you an insight into those 18 glorious years I had the privilege of knowing her for.

Maddie first came into my life when I was working at my first ever practice, (prior to me qualifying). The RSPCA had found her curled up in the corner of a building site and she came into us soaked wet through and quite clearly starving.

It took time to nurse her back to some kind of health, she refused to eat for a while and syringe feeding was on the menu. I knew I was going to be taking this little cat home from the moment she graced me with her first head butt.

However that was also somewhat of a bumpy ride.. once home she developed a serious breathing complication courtesy of a ruptured diaphragm so back to the surgery she went. She actually had to undergo surgery twice as the first operation failed and the diaphragm re ruptured. It was touch and go as to whether she would start to breathe for herself, but eventually she did and we returned home to embark on our new journey together.

Her and Ren bonded immediately and there began a long and beautiful friendship. He taught her many things including how to look both ways before crossing the road and how to hone her skill in hunting - seriously between the two of them I could have started a very profitable taxidermy business 🤦🏻‍♀️

I believe she felt his loss heavily and never took to another cat the way she had him. She hated Hugo and Morticia (the two left behind) but always made out it was them starting the ruckus when on many occasions I had seen her instigate it. Maddie all over. She did however accept Winnie (my frenchie) whole heartedly and loved to head butt the crap out of her often.

She was the cheekiest, sweetest most loving little cat, but go anywhere near her with anything remotely medical and you were taking your life in your hands - she turned into a fire breathing monster. I had to pretty much sit on her to give her worming tablets. It was just one of the many things I loved about her.

She got herself into trouble many times with her inquisitiveness, once ending up locked in the neighbours house as she had snuck in unnoticed before they left for holiday , I was also away at the time and my brother was cat sitting, he hadn't seen her for a day or two and did some detective work to eventually locate her whereabouts. She trotted out of their house like nothing had happened and proceeded to demand food.

One time she got into the back of the Tesco delivery drivers van - neither he or I had noticed, he drove off only to return ten minutes later as he'd heard a rustling in the back and there she was sat amongst someone's bloody potatoes. He knocked on the door with her in hand and said 'I believe this belongs to you' 😂 honestly the audacity of her.

She loved to sit in boxes and plant pots, sneak into kitchen cupboards and any hole she could fit into. She hated it when I cried and would rush over with head butts to wipe them away. In a morning she would jump onto the bed, gently paw my face and give me a hard head butt to let me know she was awaiting her breakfast and I needed to get my lazy arse out of bed.

It all happened so quickly, at the weekend she caught a mouse and bought it in, I caught her munching away on it in the kitchen 😅 part of me now wonders if that was her last hurrah.

She deteriorated thoughout the week and she wasn't the Maddie I knew any more. She hid in her little hut and wouldn't come out, even for food - I had to take it to her. She only came out the once when I had a break down in the kitchen, she came to wipe away my tears. I knew in my gut it was time.

She was scrappy to the end, fought the vet whilst they put the catheter in and gave me a little bite too - classic Maddie!

I bought her home, gave her her favourite food and let her settle. She went peacefully.

I held her and cried for what seemed like an age until my mum arrived for support and to also say goodbye ( thanks Mum 🖤)

My brother came and dug the spot out for her (thanks bro 🖤) and I buried her in my dressing gown with her favourite toy balls.

The sadness and guilt I felt was and still is overwhelming. It's going to take an awful long time to get to a point where I can live with this grief but I am forever grateful to have had her in my life. She bought so much happiness.

I keep expecting her to be sitting at the bottom of the stairs of a morning waiting for me, or jumping onto the bed to pad me in the face. Every time I walk past her little house I think I catch a glimpse of her little white tipped feet and her nose poking out of the hole. Maybe I do, maybe she is still there in some way.

I kept some of her hair back and I'm going to put it into a locket so I can always carry her with me.

I'll be hugging my babies closer for a while. The grief of losing a pet is akin to losing a family member as that's what they are - family.